A new beginning

My mind is finally as clear as ever. I know what I want, I know what I need to do, and I actually have a plan? I feel more motivated than ever, yet still a little skeptical about myself.

After a month of taking time to myself to really evaluate my life: where I am, where I am going, who I am, and what makes me happy; I have come to the realization that I REALLY DO NOT KNOW! I really thought I did. I guess over the past few years, I lost touch with who I am and what it was that really makes me happy. I need to find it again.

So, I broke up with the boyfriend. Time to get myself together and really come to grips with myself. It has always been hard when it comes to trying to understand myself. So much has happened, and its really hard. I’m always using it as an excuse, but I need to learn what those experiences really did to me, so I can understand and use it to make myself a better person. A more collected individual.

In addition to getting myself into a better mental/spiritual shape, I am going to also focus my energy on getting into a better physical shape. Start working out regularly, and eatting healthy. Being well balanced, and take care of my overall health.

I don’t know how long this is going to take, but I need to do it. Need to get myself together. I need to figure myself out, and really regain my sense of purpose in life. *sigh* wish me luck.

Family

I love my family… really I do. I know that I don’t really fit in with my family much, but I still love them. It really saddens me sometimes knowing that I’m the outsider. I’m quiet, not much of a talker, so that doesn’t help me any bit. I’m not a shy person, but I am I guess? For as long as I can remember, when it comes to my family, I have always been the ‘outcast’.

I think thats why I am so compelled to bring and keep my family together. I think that if everyone were closer, it might help me be closer. That maybe one day, I can be appreciated for being the ‘glue’ of the family.

Being an only child really sucks. They say that I’m “lucky” to not have had a sibling to torment me… but really… I wish I did. To have that kind of closeness with someone other than my parents. The relationship that siblings have is a relationship that you really can’t get with anyone else. Friends come and go… it’s just not the same. Some of my cousins have that type of sibling rivalry relationship, but I was the outcast.

My grandmother on my father’s side of the family raised 9 children. Of those 9, they raised 21 children, including myself. Of my 20 cousins, at some point growing up, I was close to most of them. Now, I am often left out. Not invited to anything, not asked about, not missed, not cared about?

It’s a big family. I cannot lie, I am somewhat close to some cousins, not as close as I would like, but close. Unfortunately, being that I am an only child, my children won’t be as lucky to have so much family. They will have a very large extended family of my cousins’ children. Our family is getting smaller generation by generation. That’s America.

Distant friendship

So, I have this friend that is pretty much on the otherside of the world. I love talking to this friend! I think because they are so far away, when I tell them things going on, they are forced to see things from my perspective. They’re open-minded and always give me other perspectives, but more often than not, they understand me. I think it helps a lot that this friend is such a great listener.
I find it so wierd that I am so compelled to talk to this person all the time when I have a lot of friends locally that I can just call and we can get coffee to talk. Inside, I ‘chat’ with this friend online. It’s convenient, but very funny because of the time/day different.

I’m back

So I have not been on this thing since January it appears. Wow how time flies! So much has been going on, but nothing really. Well a lot going on, but nothing that I feel compelled to blog about.

Without Facebook and Myspace, I would not know what is going on with anyone. It seems like almost everyday I see someone getting married, just got married, celebrating a wedding anniversary, having kids, or their kids are getting older. I guess I am getting to that age. It’s crazy how time flies… it really is.

I remember years ago… memories… some I would wish to not remember, but noneoftheless, memories. I can’t believe how different I am now.

One day… I’ll be married… having kids. And someone will be in the awkward amasement that I am feeling now.

Stuff

Consider this my blog to vent.

This time last year, I was initiated into my fraternity. I was really looking forward to being part of the fraternity seeing that I saw a lot of opportunity that could come out of the experience. I saw an opportunity for me to build up my network and leadership experience. It started pretty well, and I met a lot of people that shared similar goals and ideals as myself. Eventually, as with most ‘groups’, there were problems with conflicting personalities and opinions. I was very disappointed in how things turned out.

I am a very open-minded and understanding person, but I just can’t stand when people are so lazy that they will turn away from any idea that involves work and will demand instead that there be a shortcut alternative given. When you cut corners, you lose value in the experience.

I wanted to take on a position to help improve things, but as I was not chosen for positions, I guess people did not like that I wanted to change things. My “plans” involved work and work is bad. Silly me. I thought this was about work experience and bettering ourselves rather than just hanging out and having fun. Silly, silly me.

Professional fraternity? Not in our chapter. Silly, silly me. So many unprofessional people in this chapter, I won’t name any names who completely lost the reality of what “professional” means.

They think ‘brotherhood’ is partying and getting drunk or something like that. Seriously? If I wanted to be part of a social organization, I would have joined a social sorority. I’m getting a little too old to be around people like this. I used to be proud of being part of this fraternity, now they want to remove a friend of mine whom was the whole reason I joined this fraternity and put work into making the chapter better. If they remove her, might as well remove me too. I don’t have any reason to be part of an organization like this.

Bay Area professional sports

It’s a depressing time.

The Golden State Warriors are a good team, but they’re a mess. They lose to ‘bad’ teams and actually have a fight chance against the ‘better’ teams like the Celtics. What should be “easy wins” end up being loses. Horrible!

The Oakland A’s… it’s just not their time. I’m not too into baseball, but I know the team is still in a reconstruction phase. The SF Giants are a wreck. Baseball in the Bay Area doesn’t look so great.

The Oakland Raiders are well… the Raiders. They looked great against Denver, but then they completely fell apart against the Chiefs? I don’t know about them sometimes. Great players, but the coaching staff… I don’t know. Can we draft a new coach? haha Can we trade owners? If only it were possible.
The SF Niners have made positive improvements. They still have a ways to go, but they’re going in the right direction. Not in playoff contention, maybe next year?

The Sharks are all we have. I’m not into hockey. I don’t know anything about hockey or soccer so I have no clue how good of a team they are or are not, but all I hear is that they’re strong and winning. Good for them.

Same-sex marriage

What’s the big deal? Inter-racial marriage, inter-religion marriage, whatever. Still stands that 1/3 marriages end in divorce. Regardless of sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity, age, political view, social class… marriages are going to have problems. I say, if they want to get married… let them!

“The saintity of marriage” was demolished when they created drive-thru wedding chapels in Vegas! Look at all the celebrities that get hitched just to create publicity or drunks that get married to complete strangers… atleast same-sex couples are getting married for LOVE.

Seriously, what is banning marriage going to do? It may stop them from being legally married, but they are still going to be together! It will NOT stop people from being gay/lesbian! I don’t understand why people are so against it. IT IS NOT GOING TO AFFECT YOU!

Young Warriors 2009!

It was iffy starting the season without Monte, and with all the changes in the roster during the off season. Most people were writing off the Warriors this season. I have to admit, I did too.

But here we are…. 5-6. Not too shabby. All I can say is… MORROW! I know all Warrior fans are saying it too. This guy is really something. UNDRAFTED rookie? He’s showing all star numbers and MVP charisma- backed by solid performances from Biedrins, Jackson, Maguette, and Azuibuikke. Not to mention: Turiaf, Randolph, Wright, Watson, Nelson, Harrington, and others sitting on the bench waiting for some action.

Ellis is scheduled to be returning soon. This team is astonishing. Underdogs once again! A bunch of rookies and other new kids. I am excited watching these young guys! I see a bright future for the Warriors under Don Nelson’s wing!

Inspiration

I recent read A Letter to my Daughter by Maya Angelou. It was an astonishing read! Maya Angelou takes her life experiences to provide lessons and advice. It’s a very inspirational book, her life is amazing. I can not compare my life to hers, but I too have experienced a lot. What if I wrote a book similarly? Not an autobiography, but a mix of memoir and advise. More of anything, a compilation of lessons I have learned… the hard way. Hmm… something I shall think about.

Budget crisis

McCain and Obama both know and recognize that this is the big issue for this election. Since day 1, I have known who had my vote. The last debate made it VERY clear who I am pushing for. OBAMA! The main reason… how to handle the budget crisis!

McCain tried to attack Obama because Obama admits to lowering taxes for the lower/middle class and raising taxes for those making $250k+. McCain doesn’t want to increase taxes for anyone. How does that make sense? The government needs more money to maintain programs and to balance the budget. How can a budget be balanced if you’re decreasing from one area and not increasing in another? McCain doesn’t make sense at all unless he intends on cutting more and more programs to do less with less. Not just a little less, but A LOT less!