I love my family… really I do. I know that I don’t really fit in with my family much, but I still love them. It really saddens me sometimes knowing that I’m the outsider. I’m quiet, not much of a talker, so that doesn’t help me any bit. I’m not a shy person, but I am I guess? For as long as I can remember, when it comes to my family, I have always been the ‘outcast’.

I think thats why I am so compelled to bring and keep my family together. I think that if everyone were closer, it might help me be closer. That maybe one day, I can be appreciated for being the ‘glue’ of the family.

Being an only child really sucks. They say that I’m “lucky” to not have had a sibling to torment me… but really… I wish I did. To have that kind of closeness with someone other than my parents. The relationship that siblings have is a relationship that you really can’t get with anyone else. Friends come and go… it’s just not the same. Some of my cousins have that type of sibling rivalry relationship, but I was the outcast.

My grandmother on my father’s side of the family raised 9 children. Of those 9, they raised 21 children, including myself. Of my 20 cousins, at some point growing up, I was close to most of them. Now, I am often left out. Not invited to anything, not asked about, not missed, not cared about?

It’s a big family. I cannot lie, I am somewhat close to some cousins, not as close as I would like, but close. Unfortunately, being that I am an only child, my children won’t be as lucky to have so much family. They will have a very large extended family of my cousins’ children. Our family is getting smaller generation by generation. That’s America.